Tuesday, January 6, 2009

new years resolutions...

So, I'm a few days late in posting these, but I figured it might be cool to have a record of my intentions for the New Year. As far as this blog and my radio show Modern Products go, I have no real intention of changing anything, except, y'know, being better somehow. Just, y'know, better. But everything else needs some work.
In no particular order:

1. Write more- not just on Negative Pleasure, but on other projects I've been slacking on or have let fall by the wayside since my computer crash last fall (which reminds me, I also resolve to back up my files on a regular basis, because, man, that sucked).

2. Exercise more- Or, really, exercise at all. Because I haven't been and I've got the big fat gut to prove it. So, y'know, as much for the sake of vanity and trying to attract women (however pathetic my attempts at the latter might be) than as for health and, y'know, like, staying alive, and stuff.

3. Go out more- Out of my house. Into the world. Socially. Like, when people invite me to things, go to them. Join the rest of the world. Participate. "Shut in" might be a bit too harsh to describe me over the last couple (six or seven) years, but, like, whatever, I've been like borderline agoraphobic, and I think it's made me more than a little more closed off than the average sort of person. Like boundaries, barriers, all that stuff. Like, emotionally. Or whatever. Also, I resolve to do something social with my roommate every once in a while, because she's nice, and I think it would be good for our roommate relationship.

4. Film/video/shoot/edit more- It's actually been a couple of years since I've made a movie, although I did do some shooting last year, there's really no reason why I shouldn't be shooting all the time and making things, experimenting, getting stuff up on Youtube and out to festivals and stuff. And also having fun, because it's something I enjoy doing. And also because it's obstensively the career path I'd like to be following, or that I've been following, y'know, the same with the writing, actually, like, working towards career goals doing things that I enjoy and feel like I'm good at. I mean, I have been, but more, I think the theme running through all of these things is just doing more, trying harder, taking risks...

5. Date more- Because I haven't been, and I probably should be. Not date necessarily, but, just...I don't know, devote some kind of energy to this area of my life, because for the past year, I really haven't at all. I haven't been meeting people, I haven't been interested in anyone really, people I might have been interested in, even a little, I didn't really take an active role in trying to spend time with them or anything. Y'know, because I'd probably be maybe a little bit happier if there was at least some glimmer hope in the lady department, or something. I feel like an ass even writing about this...

6. Be More Reliable- I used to be really pretty reliable, when I was younger, and I've become more and more of a flake over time, in terms of getting things done when I say I will and just showing up in general, which also leads to...

7. Procrastinate Less- Which is really a big part of all of these things, I'm always thinking I can put things off to tomorrow, and then, y'know, tomorrow never comes, and things get undone, and I think I've kind of really fucked myself over in a lot of ways but doing that, or not doing that, or whatever, so, yeah, something to work on...

8. Be More Open- Again, the barriers, in my personal life with friend and family, sometimes, and obviously I don't really do this here on the blog, not saying what I really think or feel when it's perfectly acceptable to do so, just being more of a 21st century kind of saying what's on your mind person, because I think I spend a lot of time in my head, and not being totally present...

9. Read More- Maybe the opposite of the above, but whatever, I need to read more books. Especially newer books, aside from a couple of authors I like (really, mostly just Bruce Wagner), I've been kind of stuck in 30s-70s hardboiled fiction for a while, and it might be cool to get into something more contemporary, and also maybe more pre-20th century stuff. Ideally, I'd like to read more books and still read the same amount of comics, so maybe I'm going to need to watch less TV, but I'm not making that a resolution, because even though I watch avlot of TV, I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that, and most of it is movies and cartoons anyway, and you can never watch too many movies or cartoons. Maybe cartoons.

10. Get on some kind of regular sleep schedule- Because it's nearly 5:30am and I'll probably be up for at least another hour, if not longer, and that's not healthy. Seriously, I don't like to necessarily blame my issues on, like, medical stuff, but in this case I can fairly confidently say I have kind of a serious sleep disorder, and going to bed earlier and getting on some kind of regular schedule where I sleep the same amount every night and not too much or too little, either of which I'm wont to do, is a goal for 2009...

11. Let Go of Anger and Resentments- Being less angry sometimes would be nice. This is something I've been working on gradually over time, and it's been improving. I can probably count the number of times I got seriously mad or lost my temper in 2008 on one hand, which is kind of great, considering a few years ago I used to blow my lid on a semi-regular basis. So, yeah, just looking for more, like, this sounds lame, but, y'know, inner peace, or whatever. But not necessarily on this blog, because movies don't have feelings and you can say anything you want about them. But, y'know, the anger on Negative Pleasure, as the name suggests, is kind of an affectionate anger anyway, but whatever, I think it's time to let go of the fantasies about causing grievous bodily harm to, like, former bosses and things, and just not dwelling so much on allathat...

I think that's it. I think that's enough. If I do half of this, I'll be pretty happy, but also in some ways these aren't so difficult, because they aren't necessarily radical life changes, just increases or decreases in certain habits or behaviors. So wish me luck. I hope this little venture into my personal life has been less appalling and embarassing to read as it was for me to write.
The films of 2008 should continue in a day or two...

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